Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

[mirrorshard]

• Harry gets back together with Cho Chang, after a huge argument that culminates in falling into each others' arms. They spend a great deal of the book hate-snogging.
  
• Ginny rebounds, hard, in the direction of Neville Longbottom.
  
• Neville discovers his hitherto unsuspected Animagus talent by turning into a frog every time Ginny kisses him.
  
• Sirius Black returns, having lost some hair and gained a rather dashing set of scars on his left cheek and shoulder.
  
• Someone starts sending Hermione anonymous presents - red rose buds, whole sets of freshly sharpened pencils, brand-new protractors, and chocolate frogs by the kilo.
  
• Ron starts getting paler, skinnier, slightly green, and rather more paranoid, after spending far too long lurking around with the cloak of invisibility on trying to catch the mystery suitor.
  
• It turns out to be the newly rechristened Sirius Grey, discovered when he, Ron, and Pansy Parkinson all collide invisibly outside Hermione's shower cubicle.
  
• On the eve of a vital Quidditch game, Crabbe and Ginny catch each other in the act of sabotaging Harry's broom. They end up sitting on a bench outside having a long heart-to-heart, after Crabbe reveals that Draco dumped him for Goyle just last week.
  
• Minerva McGonagall announces at dinner that Hogwarts is in dire financial straits. The only thing that they can possibly do is to put on a production of Guys and Dolls, with an all-singing all-dancing cast, to raise money. Draco and Harry have a stand-up knock-down row in the Potions class over who gets to play Sky Masterson. Gryffindor loses seven thousand House Points.
  
• Luna Lovegood is cast as Miss Sarah Brown, after demonstrating a stunning and utterly unguessed-at soprano.
  
• Draco and Harry have a stand-up knock-down row in the Potions class over who gets to play Nathan Detroit. Gryffindor loses another nine thousand House Points.
  
• Minerva McGonagall refuses to reveal who has been cast as Nathan Detroit, saying only that "it's a very special guest you'll all be delighted to see".
  
• Voldemort shows up. I shall now transcribe the entire final scene, since I love you all so much.
  

Voldemort: Ahahahahaha!
Harry: You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Voldemort: Stop saying that. *waves wand*
Harry: Aaaaghohnostoppitaaaagh!
Voldemort: Ahahahahaha!
Omnes: Oh no, Harry is being tortured to death by the Dark Arts and we are helpless!
Harry: *is tortured, screaming in agony*
Voldemort: I have the Chosen One in my grip, now! They won't call you the One Who Lived NOW, will they...
Neville (for it is he): No, they won't, foul fiend, for Harry was never the real Chosen One!
Neville (for it is he): *ZAP*
Voldemort: *begins a long and protracted death scene*
Minerva McGonagall: And now, I have the great pleasure to announce that the part of Nathan Detroit will be played by...
Gilderoy Lockhart: Me!
Omnes: *ignores Lockhart*
Voldemort: *dies a bit more*
Minerva McGonagall: Albus Dumbledore!
Dumbledore: *steps out from behind a curtain, looking very swish in a white three-piece suit and fedora*
Omnes: Hurrah! Hogwarts is saved! *throw hats in air*
Hats: *perform magical acrobatics*
Voldemort: *dies some more, loudly and theatrically*
Lockhart: Bah. Still the prettiest. *sulks*
Sirius: I was in this film, really. I'm not just a voiceover actor for a dog. Did I show you my new scars?
Hermione: This is the book, silly. You got a BIG part here.
Sirius: Damn right I've got a big part. Wanna see it?
Ron: You have got to stop giving people straight lines like that, my preciousss.
Harry: Why is nobody paying attention to me? I'm going to go off and find some EVIL to fight, and I'll probably DIE, then you'll all be SORRY.
Omnes: This is the last book, Harry. You're supposed to be living happily ever after.
Harry: DO NOT WANT.

Comments

[ceirseach.livejournal.com]

I love you. :)

[ceirseach.livejournal.com]

And also? Draco should so be Sky.

Harry... no, I can't see Harry as anyone in that musical, I'm afraid. Though if he was Nathan he'd at least get to angst a bit.

Or! He could be Nicely Nicely Johnson. I like that idea.

[claudacity.livejournal.com]

awesome!

I like the last line. :D

[redcountess]

Brilliant :)

[puddick.livejournal.com]

Excellent! Neville... I knew it all along.

I'm glad glassstrider persuaded me to read this amongst cries of "How's he managed to read it already! I'm not reading LJ or mud boards until I've read it!"

[mirrorshard.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you liked it!

[vashti.livejournal.com]

I have only just read this.

OMG LOL.

[mirrorshard.livejournal.com]

My work here is done.