Different numbers exist, but apparently 7% (by one reckoning) of the overall message you send comes from your words, with almost 50% coming from body language/facial expression/gesture, and the remainder from tone, pitch, pace. Think about how you communicate with people whose language you don't speak, or with babies, or animals.
Interesting you mention feedback - I believe that we fill in the gaps, the remaining 93%, from our own mind, based mostly on our own mood and projection, but partially from context. In an online (or telephone) relationship, this results (imho) in an infinite feedback loop where you hunger for more contact, so you project it into the relationship and communication, which results in more hunger, etc. etc. until you end up with a completely unrealistic infinite hungry feedback loop, more intense and more unreal than anything that would exist in real life. This is why I hate online relationships, and form my friendships only having met the people for real :)
I don't think the phenomenon is limited to geeks, however. I do believe that people who are socially limited in real life are also socially limited online, but to a different extent. One of the reasons for this is that online communities are vastly more populated by the relatively socially inept than real social environments, which tends to result in a higher status (or at least tolerance) of people with few or no social skills. This means that passive/aggressive, bipolar, downright obnoxious, or oversensitive behaviours online are supported and accepted as normal, something that would only happen IRL in a support group or very close friendship.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2005-11-18 03:39 pm (UTC)Different numbers exist, but apparently 7% (by one reckoning) of the overall message you send comes from your words, with almost 50% coming from body language/facial expression/gesture, and the remainder from tone, pitch, pace. Think about how you communicate with people whose language you don't speak, or with babies, or animals.
Interesting you mention feedback - I believe that we fill in the gaps, the remaining 93%, from our own mind, based mostly on our own mood and projection, but partially from context. In an online (or telephone) relationship, this results (imho) in an infinite feedback loop where you hunger for more contact, so you project it into the relationship and communication, which results in more hunger, etc. etc. until you end up with a completely unrealistic infinite hungry feedback loop, more intense and more unreal than anything that would exist in real life. This is why I hate online relationships, and form my friendships only having met the people for real :)
I don't think the phenomenon is limited to geeks, however. I do believe that people who are socially limited in real life are also socially limited online, but to a different extent. One of the reasons for this is that online communities are vastly more populated by the relatively socially inept than real social environments, which tends to result in a higher status (or at least tolerance) of people with few or no social skills. This means that passive/aggressive, bipolar, downright obnoxious, or oversensitive behaviours online are supported and accepted as normal, something that would only happen IRL in a support group or very close friendship.