We in the Conservative Party have the utmost respect for the gentlemen and others of the Daily Mail, and we treasure the certainty that the Imperial values of our formative years remain alive and as relevant as they always were and, we trust, they always will be, for as long as the Editor is an upright and forthright servant of the people and thoroughly deserving of the honours which have been thrust upon him and will, we are sure, continue to be.
In particular, we respect and value the essential role of your Organ in presenting a balanced view and an uncluttered selection of the facts to the somewhat-educated middle segment of the population who, it must be said, lack the necessary broad perspective and are generally given to violent bigotry and an undiscriminating intolerance of behaviour which, while perfectly acceptable among educated men of good breeding, must be sternly suppressed among the lower orders; in short, the suburban middle classes do not understand the world and had better not be permitted to formulate their own opinions, for total collapse of the proper order of society might ensue.
Let us not forget that these people form the majority of the electorate and their natural tendencies must be carefully directed by responsible journalism into peacefully supporting the proper order of society. We have seen the violence and disorder that results when the petty jealousies, racial prejudice, and narrow Puritanism of the middle classes are set loose in the violent disorders, religious fervours, pogroms, massacres, land reforms, revolutions and Jacobin terrors of less-fortunate nations. It is the simple truth, sir, to say that the Daily Mail is the bulwark of our society and an example to the World.
It is therefore essential that the great and worthy work of inculcating the benighted suburbanite masses with their betters' opinions should continue: further, that unwavering vigilance should be fixed upon the task in hand. Which leads me to the distressing but necessary task of reminding you that you are, without fail, required to call upon the considered opinions and measured arguments of The Right Sort Of People.
I regret to say that you have fallen short of these ideals: Baron Tebbit of Chingford in Waltham Forest was a successful politician in his day, and a useful figure in the rough-and-tumble politics of the 1980's, but it is absurd to think that this obnoxious scion of trade-union activism and an artisanal education can formulate any better opinions than those of his upbringing and the commercially-successful but socially-overambitious effluvia of Essex and the cultural deserts of Dagenham. He was, for a time, deserving of our gratitude for encouraging these people to vote Conservative; but he was never considered One Of Us and it is essential that both he and his squalid opinions remain in well-deserved obscurity.
Finally, may I remind you that the Current Archbishop of Canterbury is, and should at all times be pointed out to be, an historically-unprecedented deviation from our ancient traditions; to appoint a devout and fervent Christian to this most politically-sensitive of posts was an appalling error of judgement by the Prime Minister, and it is your duty to point this out in the most direct and forthright terms of disapprobation.
I remain, etc.
Sir Harold Harrumphing-Moustache Bt. Major-General (retd) JP (retd) MP for Eton and Harrow (1964-1974) St. Dymphna's House, Eastbourne.
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branchandroot
A Patrician Tory Replies
Date: 2008-08-08 05:13 pm (UTC)We in the Conservative Party have the utmost respect for the gentlemen and others of the Daily Mail, and we treasure the certainty that the Imperial values of our formative years remain alive and as relevant as they always were and, we trust, they always will be, for as long as the Editor is an upright and forthright servant of the people and thoroughly deserving of the honours which have been thrust upon him and will, we are sure, continue to be.
In particular, we respect and value the essential role of your Organ in presenting a balanced view and an uncluttered selection of the facts to the somewhat-educated middle segment of the population who, it must be said, lack the necessary broad perspective and are generally given to violent bigotry and an undiscriminating intolerance of behaviour which, while perfectly acceptable among educated men of good breeding, must be sternly suppressed among the lower orders; in short, the suburban middle classes do not understand the world and had better not be permitted to formulate their own opinions, for total collapse of the proper order of society might ensue.
Let us not forget that these people form the majority of the electorate and their natural tendencies must be carefully directed by responsible journalism into peacefully supporting the proper order of society. We have seen the violence and disorder that results when the petty jealousies, racial prejudice, and narrow Puritanism of the middle classes are set loose in the violent disorders, religious fervours, pogroms, massacres, land reforms, revolutions and Jacobin terrors of less-fortunate nations. It is the simple truth, sir, to say that the Daily Mail is the bulwark of our society and an example to the World.
It is therefore essential that the great and worthy work of inculcating the benighted suburbanite masses with their betters' opinions should continue: further, that unwavering vigilance should be fixed upon the task in hand. Which leads me to the distressing but necessary task of reminding you that you are, without fail, required to call upon the considered opinions and measured arguments of The Right Sort Of People.
I regret to say that you have fallen short of these ideals: Baron Tebbit of Chingford in Waltham Forest was a successful politician in his day, and a useful figure in the rough-and-tumble politics of the 1980's, but it is absurd to think that this obnoxious scion of trade-union activism and an artisanal education can formulate any better opinions than those of his upbringing and the commercially-successful but socially-overambitious effluvia of Essex and the cultural deserts of Dagenham. He was, for a time, deserving of our gratitude for encouraging these people to vote Conservative; but he was never considered One Of Us and it is essential that both he and his squalid opinions remain in well-deserved obscurity.
Finally, may I remind you that the Current Archbishop of Canterbury is, and should at all times be pointed out to be, an historically-unprecedented deviation from our ancient traditions; to appoint a devout and fervent Christian to this most politically-sensitive of posts was an appalling error of judgement by the Prime Minister, and it is your duty to point this out in the most direct and forthright terms of disapprobation.
I remain, etc.
Sir Harold Harrumphing-Moustache Bt.
Major-General (retd) JP (retd)
MP for Eton and Harrow (1964-1974)
St. Dymphna's House,
Eastbourne.